It’s been a tough few months for me, both on a health and a personal level. My health didn’t cope well with yet more surgery and I think it just decided to go into meltdown. I’m usually a really positive person, but it’s been a tough climb back out of this black hole this time. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to this ‘life sentence’ – sometimes I feel so bitter that it’s happened to me. At those times, I just have to remember that I can’t do anymore than I’m doing to change it and that I am doing my best, although others don’t always see that.
On a personal level too, it’s been incredibly tough. I met someone two years ago that I believed was my forever person. We went through absolute hell to be together and when we finally got there and had the chance to be happy, it turns out he wasn’t. Those of you who have known me for a while will know how hard it was for me to trust someone new and to let someone in, especially with the baggage that he came with.
I gave up a lot for him and made a lot of changes in our lives – because that’s the kind of person I am. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl I guess.
So, when the lies started, I really believed it was because he was in a bad place in his life and that with support and love, we would get through it. Well, I did support him, I did give him way more chances than any normal person would but the lies got bigger, and much more hurtful. Looking back now, I was naive. But when you want to find the best in people, it’s sometimes what you do.
They say that leopards never change their spots, and they say there’s no smoke without fire. I guess both of those phrases are true. It’s a shame that innocent people have to be dragged through the crap with these lies.
It’s hard to be lied to and to have your control taken away, but it’s harder to live with a liar and to always be wondering what the truth is. And so, walking away becomes the only option. To quote Taylor Swift (!!!), ‘she lost him, but she found herself, and somehow, that was everything’…
And now, with Spring around the corner, I’m looking forward to the future. I’m looking forward to healthier times, to prosperous times, to happier times – and you never know, I’m still holding out for my very own Prince Charming too… 🙂
lots of love