Again, this week, I find myself thinking about what the future may hold for me, and of course, for my little shadow.
Since the beginning of the breakdown of my relationship before Christmas, I almost wanted to throw myself into something new. I don’t cope well alone. I want to be happy with someone in my life. I can’t be happy unless I have someone in my life. Or so I thought.
The change of role in the day job, and my ever growing Tropic empire (www.tropicskincare.co.uk/shop/clairyoung)!!! has kind of made me put ‘searching’ for a new relationship on the back burner. And the real surprise was that, for now, I feel quite happy (almost relieved) about being alone again.
I loved ‘the smooth talker’ with everything I had – and more. As I said before, we went through a lot to be together and I stuck with it because I believed he was the one. I know we’ve both struggled to adapt to life without each other, but I don’t think that we will end up living happily ever after, despite how easy it would be to go back to our stupidly happy times. I do however think I need to grieve for the end of something that I thought, and very much hoped, was forever.
And I suppose I need to do that alone. So, I’m not ruling a few dates out here and there, but I know now that my life for the next little while at least must be about surviving as a single mum with a couple of chronic illnesses, about being the best teacher I can be, and about taking over the world with my little Tropic business…
As always, I feel the need to tell you how lucky I am – I have the most supportive family a girl could ever ask for, and I have some fabulous friends who are there in my dark times to drown my sorrows, as well as being there in my lighter times to celebrate life with me!
And of course, my little lady is my reason for being – above all, I want to teach her about healthy relationships, about being financially independent. I want to teach her a strong work ethic and all about mental toughness. I want her to know how it feels to be loved and to know how to love. I want her to be confident, full of self-respect and happy in her own skin. And I know now that the best way for her to learn is to see her mummy setting that example!
So, that’s what my immediate future holds… 🙂
lots of love