Apologies for this incredibly self-indulgent post. However, in the spirit of this blogging lark being cathartic, I have to post this…
During my teenage years, I thought I’d been in love a fair few times. There were a couple of very gorgeous, very charming guys who I fell head over heels with… I was young, they were young – the rest is history!
Then whilst on the rebound from a very destructive relationship, I met my husband. He gave me security, he was a friend and he made me feel wanted again. But, on the day I married him, I questioned my decision and my love for him. I’d do it all again to get a Daisy, of course, but real true love? I don’t know…
Everyone says you know when you’ve met ‘the one’. I did. The problem was he was married to someone else. I think that for years we both knew how we felt. But, contrary to what his wife believed, I’m no home wrecker. I never wanted to be the girl that split a family up, that took a dad away from his kids. I never once pursued this relationship, but it became fairly clear that we would end up together. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we fell completely in love. We went through hell to be together but we knew it was worth it. I remember standing in the queue at Starbucks one day and spotting him – I knew there and then what love really was!
We got through the worst of it, and we moved in together. I can honestly say they were the happiest days of my life. He was my best friend, my everything. I felt like I’d looked my whole life for my other half and there he was – not what I expected him to look like or be, but everything I ever wanted. He loved me and wasn’t afraid to show me, and everyone around us, how he felt. I admit that I was even a little smug that I’d finally done it, finally met ‘the one’. I thought we were invincible.
So, when it fell apart right in front of my eyes, I was nothing short of devastated. That was the moment that I really knew I’d loved him like I’d never loved before. All these months on, if I’m honest, I’m still as devastated, still as heartbroken. I wish so much that I could go back and make it all better. But life doesn’t work like that does it?
I know one thing for absolute certainty. Whatever happens in the future, whoever I meet – they will never mean the same to me as he did. When he left, he took a little bit (actually quite a lot) of my heart with him. He also took my ability to trust, my faith in relationships and quite a lot of my self confidence with him.
It’s almost seven months since the day he left, and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever forget the day I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my everything.